


Imaginary Friend

by MCAmps



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: #impliedchildabuse, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-06 02:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15184835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MCAmps/pseuds/MCAmps
Summary: Trapped in his room, all Saeran can do is fantasize about the sun and sky, the outside world, and. . .Saeyoung. But what happens when someone new comes to meet him?





	1. The Boy

“Hey.”

“Hey, Saeran.”

“Saeran?”

“Saeran!”

Saeran yelped when a tiny pair of sweaty hands yanked him back into reality. The bluer than blue sky vanished and dingy, paint chipped walls greeted him as the cool breeze stagnated into hot, stuffy, suffocating air. Despite all of this though, Saeran broke into a huge grin. “Saeyoung!”

His twin brother. His most favorite person in the whole wide world sat in front of him, round glasses crooked and golden eyes wide. 

“You’re back!” Saeran hugged Saeyoung, taking in the fresh, outdoorsy scent that clung to his black shirt and the warm safety. “Did you visit the cathedral today?”

“Yeah, but. . .” Saeyoung pulled away and straightened his glasses. He wore a small, quizzical frown. “What were you doing?” Did you even see me come in?” He got on his hands and knees, leaning closer to inspect Saeran. “Did Mom do something to you?” He tugged Saeran’s collar in order to get a better look at his neck. Probably for fresh bruises. He then checked Saeran’s ankles. Probably in search of rope burns. This was one of the rare times he would find nothing. Nothing new at least.

“I think Mom’s still sleeping,” Saeran bounced a bit, still riding the wave of giddy excitement that tingled inside him. With Saeyoung back, he wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. That was all that mattered. 

“Good.” Saeyoung sighed, but his frown soon returned. “Then why did you look so dazed? You were staring off into space.”

“I-I was?” Saeran jolted and the stifling room’s air heated even hotter. “I. . .I was just thinking.”

“Thinking?”

“Yeah.” Saeran looked down and plucked his fingers at the dirty carpet fibers. “I was thinking about being outside with you.” He wasn’t sure why, but explaining his thoughts made his stomach flip flop. “W-we got ice cream and then looked up at the sky and enjoyed the breeze.” He cast a shy glance at his brother, wondering how he would react. 

Saeyoung didn’t yell like Mom would have. He didn’t say it was stupid or a waste of time either, but instead laughed. It wasn’t a bad laugh though. It was the contagious kind that always made Saeran smile no matter what. 

He wished he could laugh like that. . .

“Goofy~ You were daydreaming.” Saeyoung playfully nudged him and grinned. 

“Daydreaming?” Saeran had never heard that word before, but it sounded nice. His nights were filled with nightmares, but these dreams during the day were anything but frightful. In fact, he wished more than anything that it had been real. “I think I like daydreaming. I want to do it more.”

“Then you should,” Saeyoung said before pulling a crinkled bag from his pocket. He opened it, revealing a squished loaf of bread. “I saw that really nice girl again at the cathedral and she gave me more bread.” He ripped the loaf in half and handed Saeran a piece before taking a big bite of his own. 

Without hesitation, Saeran tore into the bread, not even bothering to wipe away the crumbs from his lips, or chewing with his mouth closed. It quelled the rumbling ache in his tummy, but never tasted as good as it looked. Bread was boring, but that was all there was lately. Someday he hoped he could eat a lot more different things. He wanted to try every type of ice cream someday. 

Maybe then he would never have to eat bread again.

But until that day, maybe he could just pretend he was eating a new kind of ice cream. That was considered daydreaming too, right? He took another bite and closed his eyes, imagining a smooth cold slicking over his tongue and a delicious sweetness melting his taste buds. “Mmm~”

* * *

As the days went by, Saeran kept daydreaming. He got better and better at it, almost forgetting about his reality at times. Whenever Mom was mean, he could just escape into his own little world. The paradise inside his head soon became his refuge, especially whenever Saeyoung left the house. Saeran always imagined being out on adventures with his brother. Fun stuff like getting ice cream, visiting the cathedral and looking at the clouds. This went on and on.

Until the day Saeyoung didn’t come back.

Saeran kept waiting. Kept daydreaming, but it was getting harder to keep the looming reality out of his head. His fantasies changed from going outside with Saeyoung to just Saeyoung walking through the door. Saeran was never able to get far in the daydream. Once it got to the part where Saeyoung would explain where he was and why he was gone for so long, Saeran always drew a blank. As soon as his beloved brother would open his mouth, the fantasy would dissolve and he would be alone once again. Maybe it would be better for Saeran to just wait for Saeyoung. Saeyoung was going to be back any day now.

**No he’s not.**

But when Saeran stopped daydreaming, the voice in his head got louder. The voice was so mean. Saeran hated it.

That was why he needed to keep daydreaming. Anything to drown out the loud, venomous words. He plopped onto his dingy mattress of a bed and hugged his bony knees to his chest. With a small pout, he stared at the door and soon imagined it creaking open. “S-Saeyoung?” He sat up straighter.

_ No. _

He imagined a boy step out of the doorway’s shadows and enter the bit of sunlight that seeped in through the boarded up window. Glowing dust cascaded all around him and it was almost magical. He was taller and not as bony as Saeran. Just like Saeyoung, but the similarities ended there. This wasn’t his brother. Saeran wasn’t sure why, but he imagined the boy having hair the color of sunshine, neatly brushed without a single strand out of place. His eyes matched the sky on a clear, cloudless day, and he wore a white button shirt and shorts just like Saeran, however, his clothes were clean without any dirt or wrinkles. Even though he was a stranger, Saeran already liked him. “H-hi. . .what’s your name?” He asked, suddenly feeling nervous. 

The boy smiled and waved, but then blinked and furrowed his eyebrows.  _ I. . .I don’t know my name. Do you know it? _

Saeran shook his head. Should he have imagined a name for the boy? Now that he was put on the spot, he couldn’t think of anything good. Maybe he should have put more thought into this, but it was too late now. “Well, I’m Saeran.” He patted the bed next to him. “Maybe we can figure out a name together.”

_ Okay.  _ The boy beamed and walked over. There was something confident, yet warm behind his gaze. Kind of like Saeyoung, but also different. His demeanor faded as his gaze drifted down.

“W-what’s wrong?” Saeran flinched and looked around, heart pounding. Was it a spider? Sometimes they snuck into the room and without Saeyoung to get rid of them, all Saeran could do was try not to cry and hope the creepy crawly left him alone. 

_ Your ankle.  _ The boy pointed with a huge frown to the rope which sure enough did hold Saeran’s ankle captive. The boy reached forward with hesitation and grasped the rope. With a tug, his wide eyed gaze traveled the length of the rope. Twisting and turning until it ended around the bedpost. His expression morphed into something new. Not furious like Mom whenever she tied Saeran or up, or determined like Saeyoung whenever he freed him. Instead his eyebrows knitted upwards and his eyes grew bigger and bigger.

Saeran had never seen a face like that before, but it made his stomach ache. It must have been bad. “Mom- uh- m-my Mom did that. She gets angry when I get in her way or make too much noise. This time, I had to go potty at the wrong time.” Saeran’s eyes darted as his voice trailed off. What would his new friend think about this? Would he think Saeran deserved this? “It’s not that bad. I can still move around some and it only hurts. . .a little.” Maybe it was a bit of a fib, but he was used to the burning friction against his skin. Well, almost. And he figured out that limping a certain way made it hurt less.

**Too bad you can’t escape~**

“I-I’m too weak to undo the ropes.” Saeran chewed his bottom lip and looked down at his hands. Pink callouses marred his fingertips. He unconsciously rubbed at his jagged thumbnail. Flakes of dried blood flicked onto the mattress. 

Why couldn’t he be strong? 

A burning lump blocked his throat and his breathing became a bit more frantic. He let out a small whimper.

_ Let me try. _

Saeran’s mouth hung open at the sight of the boy tugging the rope. Sticking out his tongue in concentration, he dug his fingers between the knots. Of course Saeran knew this wasn’t real, and yet. . .he sat up straighter as his legs fidgeted with anticipation. What if the boy could untie him? What if he came to save him? Then he could go outside and search for Saeyoung!

But the knot wouldn’t budge. Not at all.  _ I can’t get it. . . .I’m not strong enough. . .  _ The boy’s shoulders slumped and he bit down on his own thumbnail.

Saeran deflated. He had been silly for even entertaining the thought. However, there was something that kept the lump of his throat from growing more swollen. He got off the bed and knelt down in front of his new friend. With a small smile, he reached forward and pretended to hug him. “Then we can be weak together.”

The boy stiffened and slowly pulled his pinky out of his mouth.  _ B-but I. . .I want to be strong enough to help you!  _ he said with a huff. 

“It’s okay.” Maybe Saeran didn’t deserve to be helped. Not if he couldn’t help himself. “Just keep talking to me and I’ll be happy.” As long as he wasn’t alone, then he could keep holding on until Saeyoung came back.

The boy stared at him with wide eyes before a grin unfurled. _ O-okay. . . _ He hugged Saeran back. 

Saeran imagined it feeling a lot like Saeyoung’s hugs. Safe and warm. The kind of hug that vanquished the fear and silenced the voice in his head. 

_ I will. I promise! _


	2. The Voice In His Head

 From then on, Saeran imagined the boy visiting more and more. It passed the time and gave him comfort during the aftermath of Mom’s rampages. The boy was always so understanding and knew exactly what to say, though he did tend to blame himself for not being able to protect Saeran. Saeran didn’t mind though. What concerned him more though was trying to figure out a name for the boy, but he still couldn’t think of anything good.

Why did he have to be so indecisive?

But Saeran tried to push those thoughts aside and enjoy his time with the boy. They talked about everything and nothing at all. Every day. Several times a day. Saeran didn’t feel _right_ when his friend wasn’t around. This habit continued on even after he started cathedral school. It became more than just talking. Now they could do everything together. The boy usually led the way and helped Saeran decide what to do like enjoying the outdoors, learning new things. . .

And searching for Saeyoung.

Where could he be? What could they do to get him back?

“I hope Saeyoung’s looking at the sky too,” Saeran said. Fluffy, cotton clouds lazily drifted throughout the perfect canvas of blue. That, along with the sun’s glow sent a blanket of calming warmth over Saeran, killing the ache in his stomach and slowing his frantic breaths. “I love the sky. It’s my favorite.” In fact, they sat in the best spot, next to the cathedral’s blossoming garden. The grass tickled his legs as he stretched out and got comfortable. He imagined the boy sitting next to him, but instead of staring at the sky too, he focused on the garden.

_I like flowers better._ The boy’s fingers gently brushed over some tulips, as if they were a magical delicacy. _They’re so pretty and smell really good too._ He got on his hands and knees, leaning close to a rose brush. His eyes slid shut as he took a huge whiff. _Roses are my favorite. I want to see all the colors someday._

“Me too.” Saeran nodded This garden only had red roses, but his flower book had pictures of all sorts of interesting flowers he had never seen before. “I want to see all the flowers when I grow up.” He paused and a small grin formed. “But the sky is still better,” he said with a giggle.

The boy gasped and whirled around, scrunching his nose with a pout. _No way! Flowers are the best because. . .because. . .”_ He frantically looked around then back at the garden. With a triumphant huff, he pointed. _Flowers are better because I can talk to them and they’re my friends!_

“Well the clouds are my friends and I can talk to them all I want too!” Saeran countered and stuck out his tongue.

**The clouds aren’t always around though. They must hide because they hate you!**

Saeran’s face fell and his throat stung. Yeah. . .he was too stupid and weak for friends. He tore his gaze away from the sky and instead got lost in the blue of the boy’s wide eyes.

_The flowers aren’t really my friends,_ the boy said in a soft voice. _But you are._ He smiled. _And let’s just agree that ice cream is the bestest! Better than flowers and the sky!_

“O-okay!” Saeran beamed. “Now I want ice cream!”

“We can get some if you’d like.” A new voice chimed.

“Ah!” Saeran gasped and the boy jumped to his feet, before running and hiding behind the rose bush. He didn’t like being around other people.

It turned out Rika was the one who spoke. The wind’s wispy fingers played with her golden tresses and fluttered her grey skirt as she approached. She hugged a book to her chest and wore an amused little grin. “Hi, Saeran~ Are you talking to your imaginary friend?”

“Oh! Uh. . .” Saeran jolted, face ablaze. One time V caught him talking to the boy and he must have told her. Saeran’s eyes stung and he bit his lip. Rika was so nice and cool. He didn’t want her to think he was a baby!

“Don’t be embarrassed.” Rika’s olive eyes sparked with understanding. “There’s nothing wrong with having an imaginary friend.” She stopped next to Saeran and craned her neck to get a better look at the garden. For a second, he was sure she would see the boy’s sunshine hair poke out from the leaves, but. . .her gaze roamed past him and her curious expression didn’t change at all. She couldn’t see him. He was just imaginary after all. The boy didn’t like being called an imaginary friend. He said he wanted to be real.

Saeran wanted him to be real too.

“I’d like to meet your friend someday.” Rika’s sweet voice lured Saeran out of his the depths of his thoughts.

“Maybe one day,” Saeran muttered as the boy faded out of sight. Back into fantasy.

“Anyhoo~” Rika took Saeran’s arm and gave it a playful tug. “Can we talk? There’s something I wanted to give you~”

* * *

Saeran’s heart thudded against his ribcage. It almost felt as if it would break out of his chest and pound against the book he held against his chest. The one Rika gave him. He bounced on his toes as he stood in his house’s dingy entryway. The light above flickered and buzzed, making him all the more antsy.

_Your Mom’s sleeping._ The boy poked his head out of the hallway and motioned for Saeran to follow. _The coast is clear._ He always went in first to check. Saeran would have been too scared to try to sneak back in otherwise. He wasn’t like Saeyoung who always snuck in and out with ease.

**Before he abandoned you. . .**

_Saeran?_

“Ah sorry!” Saeran shut out those thoughts and scurried to his bedroom. His spirits soared as he plopped onto his bed and flipped through the mysterious book. “Whoa. . .” His eyes grew as he took in all the foreign terms, symbols, and numbers. It was almost dizzying, but hecouldn’t look away. Not when Saeyoung looked at this exact book. This exact page. These exact numbers.

_What is that?_ The boy climbed onto the bed and inspected the pages with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s a book of math functions. I think, b-but Saeyoung used it, so I’m going to learn all I can too!” Saeran couldn’t hide his bubbly excitement. “Even if it’s confusing, I’ll copy it all down until I get it- oh! I think I saw Saeyoung writing that stuff in a notebook once.” Saeran hopped off the bed and headed for the closet. His familiar hiding spot where Mom couldn’t find him. It wasn’t that she was stupid. No, she always looked in there with a growl and that stench. The strange, sour odor he only got whiffs of whenever Mom was furious. The smell reminded him of yelling and made his scalp tingle with dread, but since he was so small, he could easily curl up into a ball and hide under a blanket until the scent and screams faded. That was also the same spot he hid everything Saeyoung left behind. Hopefully he didn’t take his notebook with him. Holding his breath, Saeran lifted the blanket and rummaged through the small pile of books and paper.  

_You really want to do all that just for that. . .that redhead?_

For a second, Saeran thought the voice in his head said that, but no, that voice was much meaner. “Hey! I’m a redhead too! But yeah, Saeyoung said that I’m him and he’s me. It’s our twin connection, so I have to do this. Maybe it’ll help me figure out what he was thinking.” He flipped through a notebook and his face lit up at the sight of those same crazy numbers. “Found it!” Saeran hugged the notebook, trying to soak up any essence Saeyoung may have had left on it. “You’re way smarter than me, so maybe you can help me.” Saeran crawled out of the closet.

_I-I don’t know about that. I’m not that smart. . ._ The boy looked up from the and tapped at his lips in thought. _But I think I understand some of this, so I can try. . ._

* * *

The boy turned out to be a lot smarter than he let on. He talked through all of the different codes and formulas as Saeran copied everything into his own notebook. Slowly, but surely it began to make sense. Could Saeran eventually learn as much as Saeyoung?

As more time passed, Saeran and the boy had fun at the cathedral during the day, then studied the codes at night. Each and every day flew by faster and faster.

Until everything stopped.

* * *

Rika had told Saeran to meet her. It was supposed to be fun. They were going to do a surprise for V. That was the last happy thing he remembered. Everything else blurred together into a nauseating soup, spinning faster and faster until his head pounded. He lost track of how long he had been locked in this cold, strange room. His throat and stomach were raw from screaming and retching, while his eyes had no tears left. He had nothing left.

Except for his notebook.

With a rasping breath, he grabbed it. Not only did he copy the codes in there, but it was also his diary. He wrote everything that happened, including all of this horrible stuff. Maybe it would help fill in the gaping patches of emptiness in his memory.

His blood ran cold at the sight of the cover. The first day he got it, he wrote in big letters: Saeran’s notebook, but now, harsh, messy scribbles covered his name. His fingers shook as he flipped through the pages. More scrawls littered the paper. Whoever wrote them must have been pressing really hard, because there were some rips too. It said things like “Traitor,” “I will get rid of you,” and “LIER.” That last word stuck out the most, not only because it was misspelled, but also because it was repeated many, _many_ times, over and over and over again. “D-did you do this?” Saeran glanced at the boy, who sat on the other side of the room.

_No. I haven’t touched your notebook._ He crawled closer and his eyes darted. _But you. . .you were scribbling earlier._

“N-no I wasn’t!” Saeran’s gasped and then winced, clutching his head. His brain felt as if it was chipping away, piece by piece. The gaping cracks grew even bigger, the more he tried to remember what he had been doing. He hadn’t written that stuff. He couldn’t have. But then who did?

**Me! It was me!** The voice in his head spoke, no screamed out at the top of his lungs.

Saeran whimpered at the onslaught of pulsing pain.

_A-Are you okay?_ With wide eyes and a small frown, the boy reached for Saeran, but before his bloodied, chewed fingertips could touch his shoulder, Saeran shoved him with all his might.

_Ow!_ The boy’s head smacked against the hard floor.

“You’re just as weak, so don’t even try!” Saeran snapped and let out a cackle. Wait. No! What did he just-!? With a horrified gasp, he covered his mouth. He didn’t. . .didn’t do that. . .didn’t mean to. With a strangled sob, he curled in on himself. “I can’t take this anymore! I don’t want to do this! I don’t want to be here! I just want to. . .vanish. . .!” With a scream, he clawed at his chest. Why couldn’t everything just stop forever? Frantic wheezes tore past his parched throat and his body convulsed. Most the pain had dulled into an icy numbness, but that wasn’t enough. He didn’t want to feel anything anymore.

He didn’t want to exist.

**You’re too weak to do anything!** the voice in his head sneered. The venomous words pounded against Saeran’s skull. **Stop trying and just let me-**

_I’ll help you._

Saeran froze and fell silent when the boy’s arms wrapped around him. It felt almost. . .real.

_I’ll take care of things, so just leave the rest to me._

“H-how…?” Burning tears blurred Saeran’s vision, but despite this, he could make out the boy’s face. His warm smile and those blue eyes. Pure and comforting just like the sky. His sunshine hair glowed like a halo. With a small whimper, Saeran reached a shaky hand towards the boy. His best friend. His angel.

_Shh…_ The boy took his hand and gave it squeeze. Warmth crawled up his arm. _Close your eyes and just sleep._

Saeran didn’t get how that would help things, but he obeyed. His breathing slowed as his eyelids fell like a curtain of pure black.

_I’ll handle everything from here on out. I’m just sorry I wasn’t strong enough to do more._

Saeran shook his head slowly. A heavy, tingly sensation held his lips together. But he really was grateful that he had met the boy. Grateful to have a friend. The voice in his head dulled into frantic whispers until only silence was left. The darkness faded into nothing and eventually he couldn’t feel his own body. There was nothing left at all, but that was how he wanted it. Finally at peace, he drifted off.

* * *

“Dear Believer, what is your name?”

He stared at the woman in black. The one who had wanted to meet him another lifetime ago. The one called Savior. “I. . .I don’t know my name. Do you know it?”

She nodded. “I do. Your name is Ray.”   Her smile grew and her dull olive eyes sparked with life for a brief moment. “My ray of sunshine. The last remnant of the sun.”

Ray. He liked the sound of it. The sun. . .the sky. His eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly. Somebody else loved the sky, but. . .thinking about that person made him feel off. As if he were imaginary and this world was just an illusion. All he could do was ignore it. Just like the voice inside his head. The one that brought nothing but pain. Ray brought his thumb to his mouth and bit down, tugging at a hangnail. The sharp sting was enough to snap him out of his daze.

“Now come,” Savior beckoned him forward with the flick of her wrist and a cool smile. “There’s a couple of matters that must be tended to before you can officially become one of us.” She took his hand and led him to a cabinet. Her hands were so small, but there was something strong about them. Her nails dug into his flesh and he didn’t realize he had been holding his breath until she let him go and opened the wooden door. Ray watched her rummage through the shelves, but then froze at the sight of a mirror on the door. The boy in the reflection. Red messy hair and yellow eyes. Who was that? That wasn’t him. Was it? No! It wasn’t! Who was that!?

He flinched when something cool and slick brushed against his fingers. The woman snatched his hands in a soft, yet forceful motion and handed him a vial full of bright teal liquid. “Now, my child,” she said, voice eerily calm. “It’s time for you to drink this.”

“Yes, Savior.” Ray brought the vial up to his lips without hesitation. This was his purpose. This was what he was supposed to do. Serve the Savior and work for the eternal paradise.

And protect someone.

Who?

Someone. Someone asleep in side of him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this is very headcanon-ish story. I know that Ray's route kind of proved this wrong, but I always liked the idea of Saeran having DID with Ray and Unknown being his alters. I had heard a few instances of someone with DID having an imaginary friend that ends up being their alter, so that was where the idea came from. I also used Saeran's diary as a reference to a lot of things, and if you have not seen it, there is a part with "Lier" scribbled all over it all misspelled. So now I'd like to think Unknown is not the best at spelling lolol. Anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed the story. Even if it can't really be canon, I hope it was still fun~


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